What You just said

I seem to get this question a lot lately..."are you going back to work?"

My chiropractor raised his eyebrows at me when I said "not yet." I can't imagine that yet, but i have no idea what I will do or when i will be able to do that. I LOVED working with children and leading worship and writing skits. LOVED it. I miss it often. I miss putting on clothes that aren't sweats and baggy tshirts. I miss seeing people everyday, and building relationships, and knowing that I was making a difference.

My chiropractor jumped in fast with, "My wife couldn't wait to get back to work!"

"Well, maybe someday." I mumbled.

But will i? I can't help but get lost sometimes in the laundry and rice cereal. It's hard to do the SAME thing over and over again, day after day. My biggest accomplishments seem to be focused on how well she took her nap, and whether i had the strength to get out of the house (that seems to require months of preparation).

My heart aches for the people I no longer get to see. I hate that I can't be at church all the time like I used to. I'm at home. and it's hard. And then sometimes I feel like people challenge that.

Now I know that many people have to go back to work, and that it's not an option to stay at home. I know I should value this time as a privilege and be thankful for the many hours I get to spend with Charis. But sometimes, its hard to value those hours, and all I am thankful for is bedtime.

Almost every night, I give Charis her last bottle before putting her to bed. We do this in her room in the glider with the lights low so that she can begin to wind down. Sometimes she will fall asleep before her bottle is done. As she is eating, I like to watch something. Sadly this is a habit from when i had to get up with her at 4 AM. Since we are in her room, I usually will plug into one of  Elevation Church's podcasts on my phone and watch one of their church services. Sometimes this is my only "devotion time."

As she is falling asleep I pray over her and sing songs. Its a sweet moment (although sometimes she rudely interrupts and poops on me and I'm like "Listen Chick! We are having a spiritual, loving moment. Don't ruin it." Poop is SUCH a downer!)

During one of the messages I listen to, Pastor Furtick talked about when Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist.

In Matthew 3:16-17, it says "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

That Voice from Heaven we know is God the Father, right? He is confirming that Jesus is His Son.

I had never seen this before. Then the Destroyer (the Devil) walks into the very next chapter and we can barely get in a couple verses before he says to Jesus in the wilderness (Matthew 4:3) "The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”


If you are the Son of God?


IF?


But the God of the Universe just confirmed this. Outloud. With a dove and a cool lighting cue. Everyone at the riverside baptism service heard it. So why is it that the Devil can get his foot in like this, even with Jesus? God can confirm something true in our lives, and the Devil walks in with a big ole "IF" and makes you question everything.


The Lord reminded recently that even though it seems insignificant, my purpose is to be her mother. I am to ensure my daughter's survival and well being. I am to provide and protect her every day. My job is to make sure she is clothed, nourished, and cared for. Its a HUGE responsibility. I should get a medal! We should all get medals for every bath and diaper full of ungodliness! but they don't pass those out...not yet anyway (I'll try to work on that).


But when one tiny sock goes missing and I have to sniff her butt to see if her diaper is messy...I can forget that. When she learns to wipe her mouthful of rice cereal on her hand and I have to put the paci in for the hundredth time so that she will (PLEASE!) go to sleep...I forget my purpose. 


How easily I allow the circumstances to whisper "If you were working.....If you were doing something else....Are you sure this is all your life is for? Are you sure there isn't something more you can be doing with your time?" 


Whatever your station in life, this message applies to all: remember your purpose. God has spoken over your life. He has given you a task, a message, a responsibility.


You have a purpose...don't let anyone say "IF" to you.

She's Here! (Part 1)

It was just 11 weeks ago...actually she arrived the day after my last pregnancy post on October 24.

I am so thankful that we packed the car that day, because after my doctor appointment we were sent straight to the hospital. My blood pressure was still high and after more tests and another ultrasound, they decided it was time to get her out. I expected them to say this, and at the same time i did not expect them to say this. Ahhh! The reality hit. Like a brick load to the face. I don't think it helped my blood pressure issue at that moment. Without blinking I stepped into the waiting room where Richard was sitting and said, "It's time. We are doing this now. Now." 

At my last 2 false alarms the nurses told me to eat before I come because I might not get to eat again. With my slight affinity to food, the idea of not eating for an extended periods of time was daunting. So as UN-hungry as I was, I told Richard to go to the Chickfila across the street. We went through the drive thru and I got a milkshake. We called our parents to let them know the adventure was beginning. Then I made Richard pull into the parking lot at Chickfila because the idea of REALLY going to the hospital and REALLY having this baby was overwhelming me.  

"Do we HAVE to? Let's just wait," I was stalling. My mind was racing and did my best to drink the milkshake down before Richard finally MADE me go to the hospital. 

Check in was a cinch. We were pros by now. I was semi-thankful for the false alarm visits because I wasn't nervous or shaky as I filled out the forms again. This time, they sent us to a real room, not triage, so no sharing with other nervous pregnant ladies. We began settling in and a nurse came in to get our initial information. Then some mechanism with the bed broke, so we had to change rooms. In the new room I was given a menu to choose dinner. Dinner?! hooray. My milkshake didn't have to last me 48 hours! 

They gave me some medicine to begin the induction process and an Ambien so I could sleep through the night. The Ambien was great! However I was slightly nervous that it would work too well  and I might wet the bed. Pregnant ladies gotta pee all the time, and I was no exception! (Oops! was that too personal? Bad news...it gets worse.) "No worries," the nurse assured me, "it doesn't work that well."

The next morning I ate breakfast (I know! 2 meals! I couldn't believe it) and then I was sent to the Labor and Delivery room. In a few hours I would be holding a baby. A real baby! Nothing was more nerve wracking then that. And therefore nothing else mattered. 

Lots of people try to tell you things about the experience of labor. Lots of people! So the things we get nervous about being really painful or hard or going really wrong end up being no big deal. Like the first time you rode a roller coaster, you were petrified as you stood in line. Then you did it and it was exciting and super fun. Well I won't say that whole experience is "super fun" but I will say that you can relax. Everybody has a different experience and worrying about any of the delivery is frivolous. Plus taking the baby home is WAY more intense than actually HAVING the baby.

to be continued...

Blogging in my head

Richard and I have a new favorite show that started last fall called Up All Night on NBC, about a couple with a new baby and the adventures that ensue. It was quite funny when we were pregnant, and HILARIOUS now!


On one of the episodes, the husband tells his wife that she should update her Facebook page because her last post weeks ago was "headed to the hospital." 


"People probably think you died!"

OK. I'm not dead! Everything is fine. We are all fine. Sleepy. but very fine indeed.

"Christen!" my my best friend says, "you should be blogging!"

She's right! I know I should. I have things to say...but the time thing. that has been the apparent challenge with a newborn. (Hmm. Go figure.)

I have thought of things to write about. I have had hilarious stories of doctor visits, poopy diapers, and new mom moments that I could not wait to put down. The only problem is that when I was "writing" these blog posts was around 2 or 3 am when my head was hitting the pillow after a late night feeding.

Now that I am a little more adjusted I feel that I can try to catch up on filling you in as to what has been going on and all the anecdotes of the last 2 months, but let's start at the beginning and I will do my best to catch you up.

Week 39- Nesting and bed rest

Yes I know. Week 40 begins on Wednesday so i'm a little late. This is the end of my 39th week, but so much happened so you need to be informed.

I was assigned to bed rest for the past 2 weeks. That is hard when you hit your "nesting" stage. Richard will be thankful when the baby comes so I will stop "nesting"...its apparently expensive to "nest." We have bought a new living room, complete with accent pillows and lamps, and I keep thinking of things we need to go get from the grocery store or to finish decorating the nursery. Once in a while I will jump out of bed to dust. I have noticed so many more little things to clean that have never mattered to be before. I can only "nest" for about 15 minutes then I jump back in bed. Richard has had his hands full, but he's the tidy one of the pair of us....so he knows exactly what to do.

My blood pressure has fluctuated and gets crazy high, especially just before i head into the doctor's office, so of course they get concerned. I'm not nervous about the doctor, and no it's not because of something I ate. I didn't run a marathon or try to speed vacuum the whole house (Come on people! i don' vacuum!).  I have the risk of developing preeclemsia, so they have been watching for this.  I have been to the hospital twice already, only to be sent home a few hours later...and with no baby to show for it. Lame.

The first time, Richard and I considered that our "trial run." I had gone to the doctor the day before. They assigned me to bed rest and to watch my blood pressure. My fabulous (then pregnant) friend, Joy, brought me her grandmother's blood pressure cuff so I could watch it throughout the weekend. (Side note: after dropping it off at my house, she took her toddler to the mall, and then checked into the hospital to have a baby. No big deal.... Ok. WOW! she's my hero!). The next day i started feeling dizzy so I called the doctor to see if that was normal and told her my blood pressure had been a little high, but since i called at the end of the day i figured they would just tell me to go lay down again and come up with a better symptom to bother them with. The nurse called back and said "The doctor would like you to go ahead and go to the hospital."

"The WHAT?" I asked, tearing up.

"The hospital."

"The hospital?!" This time more tears.

"Yes. We have already admitted you. Do you know where to go?"

It was on the tour during our birthing class, so I remembered. I called Richard and in mild hysterics told him "The doctor called and wants me to go to the hospital now."

But he heard, "blubber, Can you come home? I don't feel good. blubber." Thankfully he came home, as i melted and then began to pull all our hospital stuff together.

Thankfully I had already packed my bag, but there was so much that needed to be done before we REALLY went to the hospital. I needed to clean out my car, clean my house, finish laundry, get a pedicure (cute toes are a must for labor. you didn't know that?), take a shower, and so much more! What will we do with the dog? Why won't my mother pick up her phone? As I sobbed and packed, Richard waltzes in and asks me "What's wrong?" We then realize he did not make out what I was saying over the phone. When he realized i meant HOSPITAL he jumped. He packed his bag, cleaned out my car, installed the carseat, and 4 other things i hadn't thought of. He even let me go take a shower before we left.

We were out the door in 45 minutes headed to the hospital. We videoed our panic attack in the car, realizing how mentally unprepared we were. This was our wake up call.  We spent a total of 3 hours in the hospital,  my blood pressure went down, and then went to get Chick Fil A milkshakes on our way home. Whew!

I did feel sorry for the other girl in our room that night. She thought she was in labor and made lots of painful gasps and whimpers, only to later be told by the doctor that the contractions weren't that impressive and she needed to take an Ambien to get some sleep.

My parents ended up driving down to stay with us for 48 hours, just in case. Mom made lots of frozen meals and everyone helped clean up and keep me "happy". If anyone was annoying or tried to make fun of me, i would start beeping at them.

Four days later the doctor called wanting me to come back in for a check up, and I was sent  to the hospital again. This time in better spirits because I had done this before...but we didn't have the car packed. Same story. I asked the doctor there if i could take the gown home since apparently my blood pressure went down at the hospital so easily. She thought i was funny, and we giggled.

The girl I shared my room with THAT night was angry and had a cold and complained about the doctor to all the nurses. Something about how she didn't feel very important. Shoulda told a joke, lady!

Today we head to our doctor's appointment, but this time we are packing the car just in case they want to send me over to the hospital. It could happen and we are more mentally prepared. I can't wrap my head around today being THE DAY...much less this being THE WEEK... but I'm excited.

Baby is coming very soon! Keep us in your prayers.

36 weeks- Nice Lady!

I was at the mall with Brandy this weekend and a lady came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I Immediately looked down to my bag to see what had fallen out, since my clumsiness is heightened.

She just smiled at me and said, "I wanted to tell you that you look really cute."

What an INCREDIBLE woman! ALL pregnant women need to hear that once and a while. I bet she was pregnant once and knew that as we continue to "blossom" and "bloom" in our final months, we need constant affirmation.What a nice lady!

The nursery is coming together. My parents came to town this past weekend to come to an ultrasound, and my mom was crucial at helping me sort through the sea of presents. It still needs a little organizing, but it looks like a nursery now. Yay!

And...this is my last week of work. Next Monday I plan on propping my feet up and spending my time catching up on the DVR. Then I'll start into the pile of books I have been wanting to read.

BUMP!

This is me at 33.5 weeks at my Atlanta baby shower.
I was glistening...as usual. Where's my box fan?

34 weeks- I will NOT complain

The baby is now a cantaloupe.  A very active, hiccupping cantaloupe that loves to

I will not complain. I have too much to be thankful for and I don't want to be whiny or needy or emotional. I will not complain about certain things that tend to plague pregnant women. That's ridiculous.

I will not complain that:

• my ankles are swollen
• my back hurts all the time and makes me walk crooked
• my wedding rings no longer fit. I had to buy a makeshift band, just so I looked married. It's pretty, but I miss my diamond.
• I have zero energy. Wow. A nap sounds good right now.
• I have to pee every hour, and/ or if i stand and then sit in a span of 10 minutes. 
• My allergies are still pretty bad, but honestly I am scared that if I take a benedryl at night, I will wet the bed.
• Everyone says the wrong things to me, at the wrong moment.I'm hormonal, people. I can't tell you when I am well prepared for a "big" comment and when I'm not: 
• "Wow. You have gotten so big." (come on! No woman EVER wants to hear that at any point in her life. What if I said that to you? Oh, but it's ok to say that to a pregnant person.) 
• "You are huge!" (rude)  
• "Any day now, right?" (nope, I got 6 weeks) 
• "You look like you are ready to explode/pop?" (compared to what?) 
• "I can tell you're getting bigger, fatter, fuller, popping out, etc." 
• One lady tells me EVERY DAY that she sees me "Now I can really tell you are pregnant." I say as sweetly as I can muster, "Well I am... just like yesterday."
• Also, the new passing statement to me is: "How do you feel?" I have to say "Good. Thanks." because I know they mean well. The problem is what I WANT to say to this question:  "fat, swollen, tired, hungry, cranky, emotional, and like i have to pee constantly." I grew up in a sarcastic home. I can't help it.

Ok. so I'm a liiiiiiitle sensitive. :)

So...If I'm not going to complain,  I need to focus on the blessings:

• First of all, and most important, My husband has been the HERO. He does so much around the house, and  then rubs my back. He's taped and painted the nursery, put the crib together, and helped me carry many baby things from my shopping trips and showers. He prays with me and for me, and he encourages me. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, which  is the LAST characteristic I believe I posses at this moment. He's the bomb.com! Just sayin'!
• The nursery is painted and the crib is in place, thanks to Richard.
• I'm still on my feet, active (as much as I can be), able to move, drive and continue to work. 
• Speaking of work, I am transitioning out of my job currently and will be a stay at home pregnant lady (Lord willing) beginning October 3. Normal circumstances, this calls for me to jump up and down and do a toe touch, but....
• The baby and I are still healthy and "normal". No issues or concerns have been detected throughout the entire high risk status. Even if I have wanted to be worried, the doctors have been very encouraged at my health and her development. Praise the Lord.
• We have been given so many things from wonderful friends and beautiful showers, that we are only having to supplement a few things extra to "be ready". I am thankful for all these relationships and loving friends who are excited for us and supporting us through this new journey in our lives.
• And...I just got a text from my mother-in-law who is on her way here with my favorite cookies from Whole Foods. Now THAT'S a blessing!  (They are espresso chip... don't judge me.)