I was glistening...as usual. Where's my box fan?
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
BUMP!
I was glistening...as usual. Where's my box fan?
34 weeks- I will NOT complain
The baby is now a cantaloupe. A very active, hiccupping cantaloupe that loves to
I will not complain. I have too much to be thankful for and I don't want to be whiny or needy or emotional. I will not complain about certain things that tend to plague pregnant women. That's ridiculous.
I will not complain that:
So...If I'm not going to complain, I need to focus on the blessings:
I will not complain. I have too much to be thankful for and I don't want to be whiny or needy or emotional. I will not complain about certain things that tend to plague pregnant women. That's ridiculous.
I will not complain that:
- my ankles are swollen
- my back hurts all the time and makes me walk crooked
- my wedding rings no longer fit. I had to buy a makeshift band, just so I looked married. It's pretty, but I miss my diamond.
- I have zero energy. Wow. A nap sounds good right now.
- I have to pee every hour, and/ or if i stand and then sit in a span of 10 minutes.
- My allergies are still pretty bad, but honestly I am scared that if I take a benedryl at night, I will wet the bed.
- Everyone says the wrong things to me, at the wrong moment.I'm hormonal, people. I can't tell you when I am well prepared for a "big" comment and when I'm not:
- "Wow. You have gotten so big." (come on! No woman EVER wants to hear that at any point in her life. What if I said that to you? Oh, but it's ok to say that to a pregnant person.)
- "You are huge!" (rude)
- "Any day now, right?" (nope, I got 6 weeks)
- "You look like you are ready to explode/pop?" (compared to what?)
- "I can tell you're getting bigger, fatter, fuller, popping out, etc."
- One lady tells me EVERY DAY that she sees me "Now I can really tell you are pregnant." I say as sweetly as I can muster, "Well I am... just like yesterday."
- Also, the new passing statement to me is: "How do you feel?" I have to say "Good. Thanks." because I know they mean well. The problem is what I WANT to say to this question: "fat, swollen, tired, hungry, cranky, emotional, and like i have to pee constantly." I grew up in a sarcastic home. I can't help it.
So...If I'm not going to complain, I need to focus on the blessings:
- First of all, and most important, My husband has been the HERO. He does so much around the house, and then rubs my back. He's taped and painted the nursery, put the crib together, and helped me carry many baby things from my shopping trips and showers. He prays with me and for me, and he encourages me. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, which is the LAST characteristic I believe I posses at this moment. He's the bomb.com! Just sayin'!
- The nursery is painted and the crib is in place, thanks to Richard.
- I'm still on my feet, active (as much as I can be), able to move, drive and continue to work.
- Speaking of work, I am transitioning out of my job currently and will be a stay at home pregnant lady (Lord willing) beginning October 3. Normal circumstances, this calls for me to jump up and down and do a toe touch, but....
- The baby and I are still healthy and "normal". No issues or concerns have been detected throughout the entire high risk status. Even if I have wanted to be worried, the doctors have been very encouraged at my health and her development. Praise the Lord.
- We have been given so many things from wonderful friends and beautiful showers, that we are only having to supplement a few things extra to "be ready". I am thankful for all these relationships and loving friends who are excited for us and supporting us through this new journey in our lives.
- And...I just got a text from my mother-in-law who is on her way here with my favorite cookies from Whole Foods. Now THAT'S a blessing! (They are espresso chip... don't judge me.)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
31 weeks- Preparation for Change
So many things are about to happen in our lives...just 9 weeks (or earlier...agh!). We have a list of things to do before Baby (Gurrll) Clark arrives.
Becoming a blogger has peaked my interest in other bloggers, specifically moms. Someone had posted this earlier, and while I wish I could have more time to bestow such eloquent words...this girl actually has already "been there, done that" so she knows what she's talking about. I won't post the whole thing, but if you want to read it in its entirety, click here.
If I had to pick one word to describe motherhood, I think that word would be “transforming.”
The days of a busy mother are made up of millions of transformations. Dirty children become clean, the hungry child fed, the tired child sleeping. Almost every task a mother performs in the course of a normal day could be considered a transformation. Disorder to order, dirty clothes to clean, unhappy children to peaceful, empty fridge to full. Every day we fight against disorder, filth, starvation, and lawlessness, and some days we might almost succeed. And then, while we sleep, everything unravels and we start again in the morning — transforming.
Days of these little cycles add up and suddenly you see a big transformation. A nursing infant has become a boy on a bicycle, a baby bump has grown into a toddler, and children have been changed into brothers and sisters.
Then there is the kind of transformations that we do — not because we work at it, but because we were created to do it. You eat your lunch, and your body transforms it into nourishment for a baby. Taking something too big for an infant, and still finding a way to feed them with it — with the goal of growing them up to do it themselves.
Pregnancy and nursing are only a small part of a child’s life though — and this cycle is clearly not only a physical one. It is the spiritual cycle of food that is so much more important, and so much less talked about. Christian mothering is a constant cycle of nourishment — both physical and spiritual.
The good news is, you don’t need to have been through some elite mother’s training camp to apply the gospel in your life. You need to believe. Trust God, give thanks. Laugh. Believe — and that will feed your children. Rest in God, and your children will learn to. Extend God’s kindness to you, to them. Forgive them the way God forgave you. You have everything you need to spiritually nourish your children, because you have Christ.
What an amazing comfort to be reminded that I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED because of Christ in me. He is my HOPE today.
How do you handle change?
- Decide on a name.... once and for all.
- Upon returning from our Baby Shower Weekend in NC, our living room currently looks like we robbed a Babies R Us. We have to find a place for all our baby loot which requires ORGANIZATION. Not my strong suit. (help, Virginia!)
- Finish painting the nursery. Don't worry. It's almost done. Richard is the MAN!
- Pick up the crib from our friends who are giving us one. It's so beautiful.
- Set up and arrange whatever furniture we choose to put in the nursery, decorate, organize, etc.
- We NEED a recliner, so we have to go find one or shop Craigslist.
- Sign up and schedule birthing class and hospital tour
- In addition to writing "thank you" notes, begin to baby proof our condo, and pray, pray, pray, and then add 30 more things that we don't know we need to do yet.
- I have to learn to not like sleep for quite some time...and/ or the rest of my life.
- I have to prepare to transition from being a "working woman" to being a "new mommy"...as natural as that role is, I hear it is not an easy transition.
- Furthermore, my "work" has been investing in the lives of children for 7 years. I am going to miss leading children in worship, talking to them every week, teaching Biblical principles and sharing Jesus Christ. Basically, a ministry to hundreds is becoming a ministry to one child.
- My body is about to go through a MAJOR adjustment and stretching and warping. Can I handle it mentally and physically? Will I recover quickly? Will I ever have clothes that fit again?
Becoming a blogger has peaked my interest in other bloggers, specifically moms. Someone had posted this earlier, and while I wish I could have more time to bestow such eloquent words...this girl actually has already "been there, done that" so she knows what she's talking about. I won't post the whole thing, but if you want to read it in its entirety, click here.
Motherhood is Application
by Rachel Jankovic
If I had to pick one word to describe motherhood, I think that word would be “transforming.”
The days of a busy mother are made up of millions of transformations. Dirty children become clean, the hungry child fed, the tired child sleeping. Almost every task a mother performs in the course of a normal day could be considered a transformation. Disorder to order, dirty clothes to clean, unhappy children to peaceful, empty fridge to full. Every day we fight against disorder, filth, starvation, and lawlessness, and some days we might almost succeed. And then, while we sleep, everything unravels and we start again in the morning — transforming.
Days of these little cycles add up and suddenly you see a big transformation. A nursing infant has become a boy on a bicycle, a baby bump has grown into a toddler, and children have been changed into brothers and sisters.
Then there is the kind of transformations that we do — not because we work at it, but because we were created to do it. You eat your lunch, and your body transforms it into nourishment for a baby. Taking something too big for an infant, and still finding a way to feed them with it — with the goal of growing them up to do it themselves.
Pregnancy and nursing are only a small part of a child’s life though — and this cycle is clearly not only a physical one. It is the spiritual cycle of food that is so much more important, and so much less talked about. Christian mothering is a constant cycle of nourishment — both physical and spiritual.
and then later she says...
Mothering is a job that is full of difficult moments. Diapers blow out in stores when you have too much in your cart to just walk out. Sudden carsickness can leave you pulled over on the side of the road wondering just how much can be done with half a bag of wet wipes. You need to take what you believe and apply it to these difficult moments. Does the Bible teach us that God is disgusted by our frailty? That he doesn’t want to carry our burdens? That he doesn’t have the energy to deal with us?The good news is, you don’t need to have been through some elite mother’s training camp to apply the gospel in your life. You need to believe. Trust God, give thanks. Laugh. Believe — and that will feed your children. Rest in God, and your children will learn to. Extend God’s kindness to you, to them. Forgive them the way God forgave you. You have everything you need to spiritually nourish your children, because you have Christ.
What an amazing comfort to be reminded that I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED because of Christ in me. He is my HOPE today.
How do you handle change?
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
30 weeks- Non-committal
I woke up this morning at 2:30 AM because I had to go to the bathroom. Normal. However when I got back in bed all I could think about was the nursery and the bedding I bought the day before at a consignment sale. I tossed and turned for over an hour about CRIB BEDDING! I had decided a couple months ago on pink and green owl print...but it was a little pricey so I wasn't sure I could get it. And if I pay a lot of money, I want to love it! All this time I have wanted to used the pink and green color combo for something. I am having a GIRL! This was my time to finally do it, and then I went and bought a mauve, pale pink, and chocolate crib bedding with toille and beaded tassels. What was I thinking?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
24 weeks-Hope Remains
Hope. You do not have to be a Christian to know what hope is. We hope our team wins. Hope they are serving dessert at dinner. We hope we do well on tests. We hope that our plans will pan out and everyone will be happy.
But hope that is Christian based, that is established in Jesus Christ, that is real hope. That hope is something that lasts, when everything around you crumbles. When everyone you've counted on gives up on you. When your job is shaky and your health is waning, a hope in Jesus Christ is something you can hold on to because your hope is not based on other people, or circumstances, or even yourself. It is based on an Eternal, Just, Holy, and Mighty God, who is Infinite in power and knowledge. He holds our future, therefore He is our hope.
Psalm 25:3-5
"No one who hopes in You will ever be put to shame... Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."
I've known this in my head for many years, but I've struggled with understanding it and accepting it in my soul through this past year. There are many aspects to faith that cannot be truly understood or felt until they have been tested. Truly bumped. What is the quote that compares us to vases? Just like a vase full of water: You will find out the true character of someone by what comes out when they are bumped. Something like that.
Well, lets just say that 2010 was a BUMPY year for us. In February we were delighted to find out we were pregnant. But no more than 4 weeks after we found out, I miscarried. I spent the next month enveloped in WebMD and health books, trying to figure out what I did to cause this. By the way... NEVER go on WebMD after something like this. You just end up with way too much information and paranoia soon follows. I ended up throwing away lots of shampoo, soap, medicine, cleaning products, and all BPA water bottles.
Psalm 139:13-14
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
and...
Job 1:21
"... The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.”
God's timetable is different than ours. This was a hard lesson to take from my years of scripture memory and study and REALLY apply it to my heart. But I will say there is hope. There is a purpose in everything. We have a loving Father who sees our dreams, desires and hopes, and waits for the actual and precise moment to proceed them into our lives.
Isaiah 55:9
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
I named this blog "and hope remains" as a reminder for whatever happens, whatever circumstances or issues rise up, whatever I face in life and pregnancy, I will have hope. The title was completely for my own benefit. These other postings can attribute to my constant need for reminders. Ha! I just needed to be reminded where my hope comes from.
So...do you have hope?
But hope that is Christian based, that is established in Jesus Christ, that is real hope. That hope is something that lasts, when everything around you crumbles. When everyone you've counted on gives up on you. When your job is shaky and your health is waning, a hope in Jesus Christ is something you can hold on to because your hope is not based on other people, or circumstances, or even yourself. It is based on an Eternal, Just, Holy, and Mighty God, who is Infinite in power and knowledge. He holds our future, therefore He is our hope.
Psalm 25:3-5
"No one who hopes in You will ever be put to shame... Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."
I've known this in my head for many years, but I've struggled with understanding it and accepting it in my soul through this past year. There are many aspects to faith that cannot be truly understood or felt until they have been tested. Truly bumped. What is the quote that compares us to vases? Just like a vase full of water: You will find out the true character of someone by what comes out when they are bumped. Something like that.
Well, lets just say that 2010 was a BUMPY year for us. In February we were delighted to find out we were pregnant. But no more than 4 weeks after we found out, I miscarried. I spent the next month enveloped in WebMD and health books, trying to figure out what I did to cause this. By the way... NEVER go on WebMD after something like this. You just end up with way too much information and paranoia soon follows. I ended up throwing away lots of shampoo, soap, medicine, cleaning products, and all BPA water bottles.
I put expectations on myself and on God to "come through for me" since He owes me, right? I made the mistake of telling God what He should do in my life next. I wanted to get pregnant again right away. My prayer for the remaining months was that I would be pregnant again before my due date of the one I lost. Totally feasible, and with God anything is possible, right? But that wasn't His plan.
In September, same story. Another early miscarriage. Another disappointment. I want to tell you that in both situations I was clinging to my Bible and praying all the time. But I was frustrated with God. I was mad, and it was hard to pull my Bible out at all. My due date in October for the first pregnancy was the hardest day to walk through, not only grieving all over again, but feeling disappointment and anger towards God all over again.
God blessed me with great friends and family and a spiritual mentor to encourage me and lift me up in prayer. My mentor, Linda, reminded me that as much as I like to think I caused this pregnancy or had anything to do with it, it is God who creates life.
In September, same story. Another early miscarriage. Another disappointment. I want to tell you that in both situations I was clinging to my Bible and praying all the time. But I was frustrated with God. I was mad, and it was hard to pull my Bible out at all. My due date in October for the first pregnancy was the hardest day to walk through, not only grieving all over again, but feeling disappointment and anger towards God all over again.
God blessed me with great friends and family and a spiritual mentor to encourage me and lift me up in prayer. My mentor, Linda, reminded me that as much as I like to think I caused this pregnancy or had anything to do with it, it is God who creates life.
Psalm 139:13-14
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
and...
Job 1:21
"... The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.”
God's timetable is different than ours. This was a hard lesson to take from my years of scripture memory and study and REALLY apply it to my heart. But I will say there is hope. There is a purpose in everything. We have a loving Father who sees our dreams, desires and hopes, and waits for the actual and precise moment to proceed them into our lives.
Isaiah 55:9
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Yesterday was the beginning of week 24 and viability, means there is enough medical knowledge and technology to sustain a baby outside the womb. I am thankful that things have been healthy and normal this far and that I am not freaking out as much as I thought I would be. I have peace. I am amazed at the way God has eased my anxiety and taught me to trust in Him and His plans.
I named this blog "and hope remains" as a reminder for whatever happens, whatever circumstances or issues rise up, whatever I face in life and pregnancy, I will have hope. The title was completely for my own benefit. These other postings can attribute to my constant need for reminders. Ha! I just needed to be reminded where my hope comes from.
So...do you have hope?
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Week 20- Pink explosion
At 20 weeks, the baby is the size of a banana.
We are having a GIRL!
I cannot believe it. I really thought all this time that it was a boy, and so my brain has been processing boys for so long that transferring thoughts to peonies, daisies, glitter, and ballet is quite a transition. But I am thankful and excited just the same!
We had our ultrasound at a perinatal office on Friday. The best I can describe is a very specialized ultrasound since my pregnancy is high risk. The benefits of being "high-risk" is that the doctors are very cautious and have to do a lot more ultrasounds than normal.... so I get to see my baby every 6 weeks. Hooray!
Richard went to this appointment with me, and my super active baby was still super active (she is going to be a dancer, I believe!). During this ultrasound they go through all the anatomy and check everything: from measuring the femur bone and forearm, to counting the bones in the pink finger. This is also of course where they confirm the sex of the baby. We didn't want to be surprised! We were ready to find out.
As the technician was doing some measurements of the stomach and and torso, she kept laughing at how the baby was putting her (ah! her!!) hand in all the shots. (That is such an Uncle Tay tay thing to do!) So you see her ankle and toes and...a hand. They she would MOOOOVE around and put her hands above her head. and then back down again. I just kept thinking, jazz hands! (See? Dancer.)
After that nurse was finished she said "stay as you are" (goop and all) because the doctor would come in to look too. But they sent in another nurse to confirm a measurement, and more goop was squirted on my stomach. Then she left and 10 minutes later the doctor came in and added more goop. Ick! I think they just like the splft! sound the bottle makes. Richard took a picture of my goopiness. Thanks, dear.
Everything looked normal and healthy. Praise the Lord! They don't see any concerns right now. The doctor just wants to keep an eye on things, so I go back mid July for another ultrasound.
As soon as we left they doctor, we both started calling family and friends. I had a few confusing conversations in the car as my excitement and Richard's excitement spilled together into a dueling phone match. :)
Richard said a few times, "my world is about to explode in pink!" He's soooo right!
We are having a GIRL!
I cannot believe it. I really thought all this time that it was a boy, and so my brain has been processing boys for so long that transferring thoughts to peonies, daisies, glitter, and ballet is quite a transition. But I am thankful and excited just the same!
We had our ultrasound at a perinatal office on Friday. The best I can describe is a very specialized ultrasound since my pregnancy is high risk. The benefits of being "high-risk" is that the doctors are very cautious and have to do a lot more ultrasounds than normal.... so I get to see my baby every 6 weeks. Hooray!
Richard went to this appointment with me, and my super active baby was still super active (she is going to be a dancer, I believe!). During this ultrasound they go through all the anatomy and check everything: from measuring the femur bone and forearm, to counting the bones in the pink finger. This is also of course where they confirm the sex of the baby. We didn't want to be surprised! We were ready to find out.
As the technician was doing some measurements of the stomach and and torso, she kept laughing at how the baby was putting her (ah! her!!) hand in all the shots. (That is such an Uncle Tay tay thing to do!) So you see her ankle and toes and...a hand. They she would MOOOOVE around and put her hands above her head. and then back down again. I just kept thinking, jazz hands! (See? Dancer.)
After that nurse was finished she said "stay as you are" (goop and all) because the doctor would come in to look too. But they sent in another nurse to confirm a measurement, and more goop was squirted on my stomach. Then she left and 10 minutes later the doctor came in and added more goop. Ick! I think they just like the splft! sound the bottle makes. Richard took a picture of my goopiness. Thanks, dear.
Everything looked normal and healthy. Praise the Lord! They don't see any concerns right now. The doctor just wants to keep an eye on things, so I go back mid July for another ultrasound.
As soon as we left they doctor, we both started calling family and friends. I had a few confusing conversations in the car as my excitement and Richard's excitement spilled together into a dueling phone match. :)
Richard said a few times, "my world is about to explode in pink!" He's soooo right!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
19 Weeks- the Kicking Tomato
I am at 19 weeks today and the baby is the size of an heirloom tomato. I have started to feel a lot of commotion and movement lately, even some light kicks. It's really amazing and no words can describe the feeling.
I just had to show this:
Each week, I get an update from an app on my iPhone (from a website called babycenter.com) about the progress of the baby and a picture pops up like this one at 12 weeks:
Growing. Developing. Happy and content. But wait...
This is the picture that came up today (at 19 weeks)!
Really? No wonder the little thing is starting to kick. If the baby is anything like me, he/she is having some MAJOR personal space issues. I would be having a serious meltdown at this point.
Speaking of HE or SHE...we are finding out on FRIDAY if we are decorating the nursery with airplanes or ruffles. We can't wait!
I just had to show this:
Each week, I get an update from an app on my iPhone (from a website called babycenter.com) about the progress of the baby and a picture pops up like this one at 12 weeks:
This is the picture that came up today (at 19 weeks)!
Speaking of HE or SHE...we are finding out on FRIDAY if we are decorating the nursery with airplanes or ruffles. We can't wait!
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