Blogging in my head

Richard and I have a new favorite show that started last fall called Up All Night on NBC, about a couple with a new baby and the adventures that ensue. It was quite funny when we were pregnant, and HILARIOUS now!


On one of the episodes, the husband tells his wife that she should update her Facebook page because her last post weeks ago was "headed to the hospital." 


"People probably think you died!"

OK. I'm not dead! Everything is fine. We are all fine. Sleepy. but very fine indeed.

"Christen!" my my best friend says, "you should be blogging!"

She's right! I know I should. I have things to say...but the time thing. that has been the apparent challenge with a newborn. (Hmm. Go figure.)

I have thought of things to write about. I have had hilarious stories of doctor visits, poopy diapers, and new mom moments that I could not wait to put down. The only problem is that when I was "writing" these blog posts was around 2 or 3 am when my head was hitting the pillow after a late night feeding.

Now that I am a little more adjusted I feel that I can try to catch up on filling you in as to what has been going on and all the anecdotes of the last 2 months, but let's start at the beginning and I will do my best to catch you up.

Week 39- Nesting and bed rest

Yes I know. Week 40 begins on Wednesday so i'm a little late. This is the end of my 39th week, but so much happened so you need to be informed.

I was assigned to bed rest for the past 2 weeks. That is hard when you hit your "nesting" stage. Richard will be thankful when the baby comes so I will stop "nesting"...its apparently expensive to "nest." We have bought a new living room, complete with accent pillows and lamps, and I keep thinking of things we need to go get from the grocery store or to finish decorating the nursery. Once in a while I will jump out of bed to dust. I have noticed so many more little things to clean that have never mattered to be before. I can only "nest" for about 15 minutes then I jump back in bed. Richard has had his hands full, but he's the tidy one of the pair of us....so he knows exactly what to do.

My blood pressure has fluctuated and gets crazy high, especially just before i head into the doctor's office, so of course they get concerned. I'm not nervous about the doctor, and no it's not because of something I ate. I didn't run a marathon or try to speed vacuum the whole house (Come on people! i don' vacuum!).  I have the risk of developing preeclemsia, so they have been watching for this.  I have been to the hospital twice already, only to be sent home a few hours later...and with no baby to show for it. Lame.

The first time, Richard and I considered that our "trial run." I had gone to the doctor the day before. They assigned me to bed rest and to watch my blood pressure. My fabulous (then pregnant) friend, Joy, brought me her grandmother's blood pressure cuff so I could watch it throughout the weekend. (Side note: after dropping it off at my house, she took her toddler to the mall, and then checked into the hospital to have a baby. No big deal.... Ok. WOW! she's my hero!). The next day i started feeling dizzy so I called the doctor to see if that was normal and told her my blood pressure had been a little high, but since i called at the end of the day i figured they would just tell me to go lay down again and come up with a better symptom to bother them with. The nurse called back and said "The doctor would like you to go ahead and go to the hospital."

"The WHAT?" I asked, tearing up.

"The hospital."

"The hospital?!" This time more tears.

"Yes. We have already admitted you. Do you know where to go?"

It was on the tour during our birthing class, so I remembered. I called Richard and in mild hysterics told him "The doctor called and wants me to go to the hospital now."

But he heard, "blubber, Can you come home? I don't feel good. blubber." Thankfully he came home, as i melted and then began to pull all our hospital stuff together.

Thankfully I had already packed my bag, but there was so much that needed to be done before we REALLY went to the hospital. I needed to clean out my car, clean my house, finish laundry, get a pedicure (cute toes are a must for labor. you didn't know that?), take a shower, and so much more! What will we do with the dog? Why won't my mother pick up her phone? As I sobbed and packed, Richard waltzes in and asks me "What's wrong?" We then realize he did not make out what I was saying over the phone. When he realized i meant HOSPITAL he jumped. He packed his bag, cleaned out my car, installed the carseat, and 4 other things i hadn't thought of. He even let me go take a shower before we left.

We were out the door in 45 minutes headed to the hospital. We videoed our panic attack in the car, realizing how mentally unprepared we were. This was our wake up call.  We spent a total of 3 hours in the hospital,  my blood pressure went down, and then went to get Chick Fil A milkshakes on our way home. Whew!

I did feel sorry for the other girl in our room that night. She thought she was in labor and made lots of painful gasps and whimpers, only to later be told by the doctor that the contractions weren't that impressive and she needed to take an Ambien to get some sleep.

My parents ended up driving down to stay with us for 48 hours, just in case. Mom made lots of frozen meals and everyone helped clean up and keep me "happy". If anyone was annoying or tried to make fun of me, i would start beeping at them.

Four days later the doctor called wanting me to come back in for a check up, and I was sent  to the hospital again. This time in better spirits because I had done this before...but we didn't have the car packed. Same story. I asked the doctor there if i could take the gown home since apparently my blood pressure went down at the hospital so easily. She thought i was funny, and we giggled.

The girl I shared my room with THAT night was angry and had a cold and complained about the doctor to all the nurses. Something about how she didn't feel very important. Shoulda told a joke, lady!

Today we head to our doctor's appointment, but this time we are packing the car just in case they want to send me over to the hospital. It could happen and we are more mentally prepared. I can't wrap my head around today being THE DAY...much less this being THE WEEK... but I'm excited.

Baby is coming very soon! Keep us in your prayers.

36 weeks- Nice Lady!

I was at the mall with Brandy this weekend and a lady came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I Immediately looked down to my bag to see what had fallen out, since my clumsiness is heightened.

She just smiled at me and said, "I wanted to tell you that you look really cute."

What an INCREDIBLE woman! ALL pregnant women need to hear that once and a while. I bet she was pregnant once and knew that as we continue to "blossom" and "bloom" in our final months, we need constant affirmation.What a nice lady!

The nursery is coming together. My parents came to town this past weekend to come to an ultrasound, and my mom was crucial at helping me sort through the sea of presents. It still needs a little organizing, but it looks like a nursery now. Yay!

And...this is my last week of work. Next Monday I plan on propping my feet up and spending my time catching up on the DVR. Then I'll start into the pile of books I have been wanting to read.

BUMP!

This is me at 33.5 weeks at my Atlanta baby shower.
I was glistening...as usual. Where's my box fan?

34 weeks- I will NOT complain

The baby is now a cantaloupe.  A very active, hiccupping cantaloupe that loves to

I will not complain. I have too much to be thankful for and I don't want to be whiny or needy or emotional. I will not complain about certain things that tend to plague pregnant women. That's ridiculous.

I will not complain that:

• my ankles are swollen
• my back hurts all the time and makes me walk crooked
• my wedding rings no longer fit. I had to buy a makeshift band, just so I looked married. It's pretty, but I miss my diamond.
• I have zero energy. Wow. A nap sounds good right now.
• I have to pee every hour, and/ or if i stand and then sit in a span of 10 minutes. 
• My allergies are still pretty bad, but honestly I am scared that if I take a benedryl at night, I will wet the bed.
• Everyone says the wrong things to me, at the wrong moment.I'm hormonal, people. I can't tell you when I am well prepared for a "big" comment and when I'm not: 
• "Wow. You have gotten so big." (come on! No woman EVER wants to hear that at any point in her life. What if I said that to you? Oh, but it's ok to say that to a pregnant person.) 
• "You are huge!" (rude)  
• "Any day now, right?" (nope, I got 6 weeks) 
• "You look like you are ready to explode/pop?" (compared to what?) 
• "I can tell you're getting bigger, fatter, fuller, popping out, etc." 
• One lady tells me EVERY DAY that she sees me "Now I can really tell you are pregnant." I say as sweetly as I can muster, "Well I am... just like yesterday."
• Also, the new passing statement to me is: "How do you feel?" I have to say "Good. Thanks." because I know they mean well. The problem is what I WANT to say to this question:  "fat, swollen, tired, hungry, cranky, emotional, and like i have to pee constantly." I grew up in a sarcastic home. I can't help it.

Ok. so I'm a liiiiiiitle sensitive. :)

So...If I'm not going to complain,  I need to focus on the blessings:

• First of all, and most important, My husband has been the HERO. He does so much around the house, and  then rubs my back. He's taped and painted the nursery, put the crib together, and helped me carry many baby things from my shopping trips and showers. He prays with me and for me, and he encourages me. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, which  is the LAST characteristic I believe I posses at this moment. He's the bomb.com! Just sayin'!
• The nursery is painted and the crib is in place, thanks to Richard.
• I'm still on my feet, active (as much as I can be), able to move, drive and continue to work. 
• Speaking of work, I am transitioning out of my job currently and will be a stay at home pregnant lady (Lord willing) beginning October 3. Normal circumstances, this calls for me to jump up and down and do a toe touch, but....
• The baby and I are still healthy and "normal". No issues or concerns have been detected throughout the entire high risk status. Even if I have wanted to be worried, the doctors have been very encouraged at my health and her development. Praise the Lord.
• We have been given so many things from wonderful friends and beautiful showers, that we are only having to supplement a few things extra to "be ready". I am thankful for all these relationships and loving friends who are excited for us and supporting us through this new journey in our lives.
• And...I just got a text from my mother-in-law who is on her way here with my favorite cookies from Whole Foods. Now THAT'S a blessing!  (They are espresso chip... don't judge me.)

31 weeks- Preparation for Change

So many things are about to happen in our lives...just 9 weeks (or earlier...agh!). We have a list of things to do before Baby (Gurrll) Clark arrives.

• Decide on a name.... once and for all. 
• Upon returning from our Baby Shower Weekend in NC, our living room currently looks like we robbed a Babies R Us. We have to find a place for all our baby loot which requires ORGANIZATION. Not my strong suit. (help, Virginia!)
• Finish painting the nursery. Don't worry. It's almost done. Richard is the MAN!
• Pick up the crib from our friends who are giving us one. It's so beautiful.
• Set up and arrange whatever furniture we choose to put in the nursery, decorate, organize, etc.
• We NEED a recliner, so we have to go find one or shop Craigslist.
• Sign up and schedule birthing class and hospital tour
• In addition to writing "thank you" notes, begin to baby proof our condo, and pray, pray, pray, and then add 30 more things that we don't know we need to do yet.

But then there is so much internal and physical stuff that needs to be prepared too:

• I have to learn to not like sleep for quite some time...and/ or the rest of my life.
• I have to prepare to transition from being a "working woman" to being a "new mommy"...as natural as that role is, I hear it is not an easy transition.
• Furthermore, my "work" has been investing in the lives of children for 7 years. I am going to miss leading children in worship, talking to them every week, teaching Biblical principles and sharing Jesus Christ. Basically, a ministry to hundreds is becoming a ministry to one child.
• My body is about to go through a MAJOR adjustment and stretching and warping. Can I handle it mentally and physically? Will I recover quickly? Will I ever have clothes that fit again?

Our schedule, activities, energy levels, budget, our space...it is all going to change. And I'm thrilled, BUT it's change. A big change that I full recognize is coming yet have absolutely no way to prepare for.

Becoming a blogger has peaked my interest in other bloggers, specifically moms. Someone had posted this earlier, and while I wish I could have more time to bestow such eloquent words...this girl actually has already "been there, done that" so she knows what she's talking about. I won't post the whole thing, but if you want to read it in its entirety, click here.

Motherhood is Application 

by Rachel Jankovic

If I had to pick one word to describe motherhood, I think that word would be “transforming.”
The days of a busy mother are made up of millions of transformations. Dirty children become clean, the hungry child fed, the tired child sleeping. Almost every task a mother performs in the course of a normal day could be considered a transformation. Disorder to order, dirty clothes to clean, unhappy children to peaceful, empty fridge to full. Every day we fight against disorder, filth, starvation, and lawlessness, and some days we might almost succeed. And then, while we sleep, everything unravels and we start again in the morning — transforming.

Days of these little cycles add up and suddenly you see a big transformation. A nursing infant has become a boy on a bicycle, a baby bump has grown into a toddler, and children have been changed into brothers and sisters.

Then there is the kind of transformations that we do — not because we work at it, but because we were created to do it. You eat your lunch, and your body transforms it into nourishment for a baby. Taking something too big for an infant, and still finding a way to feed them with it — with the goal of growing them up to do it themselves.

Pregnancy and nursing are only a small part of a child’s life though — and this cycle is clearly not only a physical one. It is the spiritual cycle of food that is so much more important, and so much less talked about. Christian mothering is a constant cycle of nourishment — both physical and spiritual.

and then later she says...

Mothering is a job that is full of difficult moments. Diapers blow out in stores when you have too much in your cart to just walk out. Sudden carsickness can leave you pulled over on the side of the road wondering just how much can be done with half a bag of wet wipes. You need to take what you believe and apply it to these difficult moments. Does the Bible teach us that God is disgusted by our frailty? That he doesn’t want to carry our burdens? That he doesn’t have the energy to deal with us?

The good news is, you don’t need to have been through some elite mother’s training camp to apply the gospel in your life. You need to believe. Trust God, give thanks. Laugh. Believe — and that will feed your children. Rest in God, and your children will learn to. Extend God’s kindness to you, to them. Forgive them the way God forgave you. You have everything you need to spiritually nourish your children, because you have Christ.

What an amazing comfort to be reminded that I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED because of Christ in me. He is my HOPE today.


How do you handle change?

30 weeks- Non-committal

I can't believe I am 30 weeks! The baby is about 3 pounds, about the size of a cabbage. (why don't think pick more appealing fruits and veggies. Cabbage? Bleh.) Only 10 weeks left....whoa.

I woke up this morning at 2:30 AM because I had to go to the bathroom. Normal. However when I got back in bed all I could think about was the nursery and the bedding I bought the day before at a consignment sale. I tossed and turned for over an hour about CRIB BEDDING! I had decided a couple months ago on  pink and green owl print...but it was a little pricey so I wasn't sure I could get it. And if I pay a lot of money, I want to love it! All this time I have wanted to used the pink and green color combo for something.  I am having a GIRL! This was my time to finally do it, and then I went and bought a mauve, pale pink, and chocolate crib bedding with toille and  beaded tassels. What was I thinking?

I can't commit to a name yet either. It's hard when my husband responds to name ideas with "Yeah, unless we think of something better." The problem is, I believe the "something better" name was one he already turned down. So to me, no name sounds better...I'm just settling. I will suggest a name. Richard will agree that it's "not bad" or "prettier than the last one", and we will share with one or two people a name we are "thinking about". But 2 weeks later, I hate the name. I can't commit. Poor Richard can't keep up. (Pray for him.)

I'm not sure if I am feeling the pressure of motherhood, exhaustion or anxiety, or if this is all hormone related. The combination of all of these is possible too. But it's weird to me how much of a perfectionist I am NOT, and yet I am so worried about regretting my decisions about big and little things all the time. I'm usually so quick to respond or answer questions, and I don't need to take time to analyze and or weigh the outcome. I could always just decide. AND I'm good at giving advice about deciding things. I can give you a cool quote or Bible verse or explain the situation so that you can see the logical and obvious choice. So obviously, I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact of how indecisive I am.

The bedding was a good deal at the consignment sale, and I bought it because I didn't think I could find a better deal. But since I was so bothered by my purchase at 3 in the morning, I decided that I needed to just see if I could try a little harder to find a bedding I liked at a really good deal. And I did. At 7:45 AM I emailed a Craigslist add for a GORGEOUS pink and green nursery bedding set for $30 less than what I paid for the mauve one. AND it includes a diaper stacker and lampshade. Cool! (I might hate it later.)

So...we are going to sell the mauve and brown one on eBay. Anyone interested? :)