What You just said

I seem to get this question a lot lately..."are you going back to work?"

My chiropractor raised his eyebrows at me when I said "not yet." I can't imagine that yet, but i have no idea what I will do or when i will be able to do that. I LOVED working with children and leading worship and writing skits. LOVED it. I miss it often. I miss putting on clothes that aren't sweats and baggy tshirts. I miss seeing people everyday, and building relationships, and knowing that I was making a difference.

My chiropractor jumped in fast with, "My wife couldn't wait to get back to work!"

"Well, maybe someday." I mumbled.

But will i? I can't help but get lost sometimes in the laundry and rice cereal. It's hard to do the SAME thing over and over again, day after day. My biggest accomplishments seem to be focused on how well she took her nap, and whether i had the strength to get out of the house (that seems to require months of preparation).

My heart aches for the people I no longer get to see. I hate that I can't be at church all the time like I used to. I'm at home. and it's hard. And then sometimes I feel like people challenge that.

Now I know that many people have to go back to work, and that it's not an option to stay at home. I know I should value this time as a privilege and be thankful for the many hours I get to spend with Charis. But sometimes, its hard to value those hours, and all I am thankful for is bedtime.

Almost every night, I give Charis her last bottle before putting her to bed. We do this in her room in the glider with the lights low so that she can begin to wind down. Sometimes she will fall asleep before her bottle is done. As she is eating, I like to watch something. Sadly this is a habit from when i had to get up with her at 4 AM. Since we are in her room, I usually will plug into one of  Elevation Church's podcasts on my phone and watch one of their church services. Sometimes this is my only "devotion time."

As she is falling asleep I pray over her and sing songs. Its a sweet moment (although sometimes she rudely interrupts and poops on me and I'm like "Listen Chick! We are having a spiritual, loving moment. Don't ruin it." Poop is SUCH a downer!)

During one of the messages I listen to, Pastor Furtick talked about when Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist.

In Matthew 3:16-17, it says "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

That Voice from Heaven we know is God the Father, right? He is confirming that Jesus is His Son.

I had never seen this before. Then the Destroyer (the Devil) walks into the very next chapter and we can barely get in a couple verses before he says to Jesus in the wilderness (Matthew 4:3) "The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”


If you are the Son of God?


IF?


But the God of the Universe just confirmed this. Outloud. With a dove and a cool lighting cue. Everyone at the riverside baptism service heard it. So why is it that the Devil can get his foot in like this, even with Jesus? God can confirm something true in our lives, and the Devil walks in with a big ole "IF" and makes you question everything.


The Lord reminded recently that even though it seems insignificant, my purpose is to be her mother. I am to ensure my daughter's survival and well being. I am to provide and protect her every day. My job is to make sure she is clothed, nourished, and cared for. Its a HUGE responsibility. I should get a medal! We should all get medals for every bath and diaper full of ungodliness! but they don't pass those out...not yet anyway (I'll try to work on that).


But when one tiny sock goes missing and I have to sniff her butt to see if her diaper is messy...I can forget that. When she learns to wipe her mouthful of rice cereal on her hand and I have to put the paci in for the hundredth time so that she will (PLEASE!) go to sleep...I forget my purpose. 


How easily I allow the circumstances to whisper "If you were working.....If you were doing something else....Are you sure this is all your life is for? Are you sure there isn't something more you can be doing with your time?" 


Whatever your station in life, this message applies to all: remember your purpose. God has spoken over your life. He has given you a task, a message, a responsibility.


You have a purpose...don't let anyone say "IF" to you.

She's Here! (Part 1)

It was just 11 weeks ago...actually she arrived the day after my last pregnancy post on October 24.

I am so thankful that we packed the car that day, because after my doctor appointment we were sent straight to the hospital. My blood pressure was still high and after more tests and another ultrasound, they decided it was time to get her out. I expected them to say this, and at the same time i did not expect them to say this. Ahhh! The reality hit. Like a brick load to the face. I don't think it helped my blood pressure issue at that moment. Without blinking I stepped into the waiting room where Richard was sitting and said, "It's time. We are doing this now. Now." 

At my last 2 false alarms the nurses told me to eat before I come because I might not get to eat again. With my slight affinity to food, the idea of not eating for an extended periods of time was daunting. So as UN-hungry as I was, I told Richard to go to the Chickfila across the street. We went through the drive thru and I got a milkshake. We called our parents to let them know the adventure was beginning. Then I made Richard pull into the parking lot at Chickfila because the idea of REALLY going to the hospital and REALLY having this baby was overwhelming me.  

"Do we HAVE to? Let's just wait," I was stalling. My mind was racing and did my best to drink the milkshake down before Richard finally MADE me go to the hospital. 

Check in was a cinch. We were pros by now. I was semi-thankful for the false alarm visits because I wasn't nervous or shaky as I filled out the forms again. This time, they sent us to a real room, not triage, so no sharing with other nervous pregnant ladies. We began settling in and a nurse came in to get our initial information. Then some mechanism with the bed broke, so we had to change rooms. In the new room I was given a menu to choose dinner. Dinner?! hooray. My milkshake didn't have to last me 48 hours! 

They gave me some medicine to begin the induction process and an Ambien so I could sleep through the night. The Ambien was great! However I was slightly nervous that it would work too well  and I might wet the bed. Pregnant ladies gotta pee all the time, and I was no exception! (Oops! was that too personal? Bad news...it gets worse.) "No worries," the nurse assured me, "it doesn't work that well."

The next morning I ate breakfast (I know! 2 meals! I couldn't believe it) and then I was sent to the Labor and Delivery room. In a few hours I would be holding a baby. A real baby! Nothing was more nerve wracking then that. And therefore nothing else mattered. 

Lots of people try to tell you things about the experience of labor. Lots of people! So the things we get nervous about being really painful or hard or going really wrong end up being no big deal. Like the first time you rode a roller coaster, you were petrified as you stood in line. Then you did it and it was exciting and super fun. Well I won't say that whole experience is "super fun" but I will say that you can relax. Everybody has a different experience and worrying about any of the delivery is frivolous. Plus taking the baby home is WAY more intense than actually HAVING the baby.

to be continued...

Blogging in my head

Richard and I have a new favorite show that started last fall called Up All Night on NBC, about a couple with a new baby and the adventures that ensue. It was quite funny when we were pregnant, and HILARIOUS now!


On one of the episodes, the husband tells his wife that she should update her Facebook page because her last post weeks ago was "headed to the hospital." 


"People probably think you died!"

OK. I'm not dead! Everything is fine. We are all fine. Sleepy. but very fine indeed.

"Christen!" my my best friend says, "you should be blogging!"

She's right! I know I should. I have things to say...but the time thing. that has been the apparent challenge with a newborn. (Hmm. Go figure.)

I have thought of things to write about. I have had hilarious stories of doctor visits, poopy diapers, and new mom moments that I could not wait to put down. The only problem is that when I was "writing" these blog posts was around 2 or 3 am when my head was hitting the pillow after a late night feeding.

Now that I am a little more adjusted I feel that I can try to catch up on filling you in as to what has been going on and all the anecdotes of the last 2 months, but let's start at the beginning and I will do my best to catch you up.