I can't help it! Every time something changes I get nervous.
Friday and Saturday, I was miserable. I was moody, exhausted, and very nauseous! On top of which, I had a pounding headache. Sunday morning, I woke up expecting to feel gross, and I felt great instead! I didn't feel sick at all and I had enough energy to sustain me through all of Sunday morning activities which included leading worship with the kids and a very long Atlanta Passion Play rehearsal. Weird.
Then Monday, I came into work, and I felt normal. No nausea...same thing today. And instead of rejoicing I am trying to decide whether or not to call my doctor.
I am so worried! Why do I feel good? Shouldn't I feel terrible until October? Bottom line is, there could be a million reasons as to why I feel this way. Worrying will do nothing for me.
The Bible says:
“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:31-34
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
taking a moment...
I am trying to put together a little more of my story for the past year, and I wanted to explain the purpose for my title "and hope remains." However, I have had to save it and put it away a few times, because it is starting to get vulnerable. I don't like that. I want to come through upbeat and sound like I am doing fine. But the truth is, this past year has been bumpy, and I feel as though my spiritual walk has been less than what I want to portray.
It pains me to say that I was or ever could be angry at God. I'm ashamed at my struggle with my faith sometimes. I work at a church so I feel that I shouldn't struggle with things like this. It should come easy to me, right? (Wrong. Very wrong. It's crazy and often unspiritual working at a church. Hello!) Anyways, I doubt there is anyone with a genuine faith in God that does not go through moments of struggle and doubt. We should; it's part of building a relationship with Him. Jacob, a patriarch of the Bible, struggled...no he wrestled with God (Genesis 23:24-28).
And as painful as moments of tumult can be, I almost want to experience them if it means I will experience a deepening in my relationship and faith. I don't know really how to appropriately explain that except that I'm not asking for fire to rain down on me. But I don't want my faith to be based on happy, feel-good feelings all the time or view God as a genie-like problem fixer. He is God. It is for HIS sake that I live and breathe, and not the other way around.
I was reading an article by Kim Gentes the other day where he was talking about worship leaders and their desire to display the right kind of welcoming, triumphant programming. He said, "While there is strong scriptural precedent for mournful sorrow, frustrated concern, and even languishing anger, very few modern Christian leaders speak on such topics."
How true! There are too few Christian books, music, and sermons that are willing to go into the gutsy part of the Bible that talks about raw emotions and struggle. We like the triumphant, "we win!" stuff better. So today, as I snack on my goldfish crackers before lunch, I wanted to take a moment to be open first.
I'm nauseous and vulnerable today!
It pains me to say that I was or ever could be angry at God. I'm ashamed at my struggle with my faith sometimes. I work at a church so I feel that I shouldn't struggle with things like this. It should come easy to me, right? (Wrong. Very wrong. It's crazy and often unspiritual working at a church. Hello!) Anyways, I doubt there is anyone with a genuine faith in God that does not go through moments of struggle and doubt. We should; it's part of building a relationship with Him. Jacob, a patriarch of the Bible, struggled...no he wrestled with God (Genesis 23:24-28).
And as painful as moments of tumult can be, I almost want to experience them if it means I will experience a deepening in my relationship and faith. I don't know really how to appropriately explain that except that I'm not asking for fire to rain down on me. But I don't want my faith to be based on happy, feel-good feelings all the time or view God as a genie-like problem fixer. He is God. It is for HIS sake that I live and breathe, and not the other way around.
I was reading an article by Kim Gentes the other day where he was talking about worship leaders and their desire to display the right kind of welcoming, triumphant programming. He said, "While there is strong scriptural precedent for mournful sorrow, frustrated concern, and even languishing anger, very few modern Christian leaders speak on such topics."
How true! There are too few Christian books, music, and sermons that are willing to go into the gutsy part of the Bible that talks about raw emotions and struggle. We like the triumphant, "we win!" stuff better. So today, as I snack on my goldfish crackers before lunch, I wanted to take a moment to be open first.
I'm nauseous and vulnerable today!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Nervously not nauseous
So want to be sure to be faithful to updating this. I will try. Promise. I also want to put pictures up to spice it up and make things interesting. So look for that soon and keep me accountable. :)
As soon as I inform anyone (right now just close friends and family) that I am pregnant, they immediately ask two questions: 1. How far along are you? and 2. Are you nauseous?
So I will answer those now. 1. I am 8 weeks and 6 days today. My little one is the size of a grape. (Grape's favorite!) and 2. Not really...!!
Should I be? I have had boughts of exhaustion which lead to feeling groggy. I've felt dizzy. Nausea comes ever so slightly in the morning before I eat. But I'm fine after breakfast. I do try to eat something right away and not wait til I get to work. I did that one day, forgetting, and had to eat my apple I had packed for an afternoon snack RIGHT AWAY.
I had an appointment with the nurse last week, and she asked me if I was experiencing any nausea. I said, "Not yet." She was shocked by my answer and said "that's ok. Be thankful it hasn't happened. Maybe it won't for you." She also told me that most feel nausea when they start the prenatal vitamins or when they are dehydrated.
I have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, so I was already changing my health habits: drinking tons of water, limiting caffeine, and starting prenatals in September. I'm thankful that these were not huge transitions, and that I was already there...so to speak.
So no major morning sickness...not yet anyways! I guess I am just always going to be thinking the worst is coming. But don't worry. I am armed if it comes. I have Sour Patch Kids candy and Tums in my desk drawer, and a bottle of Mylanta by my nightstand.
As soon as I inform anyone (right now just close friends and family) that I am pregnant, they immediately ask two questions: 1. How far along are you? and 2. Are you nauseous?
So I will answer those now. 1. I am 8 weeks and 6 days today. My little one is the size of a grape. (Grape's favorite!) and 2. Not really...!!
Should I be? I have had boughts of exhaustion which lead to feeling groggy. I've felt dizzy. Nausea comes ever so slightly in the morning before I eat. But I'm fine after breakfast. I do try to eat something right away and not wait til I get to work. I did that one day, forgetting, and had to eat my apple I had packed for an afternoon snack RIGHT AWAY.
I had an appointment with the nurse last week, and she asked me if I was experiencing any nausea. I said, "Not yet." She was shocked by my answer and said "that's ok. Be thankful it hasn't happened. Maybe it won't for you." She also told me that most feel nausea when they start the prenatal vitamins or when they are dehydrated.
I have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, so I was already changing my health habits: drinking tons of water, limiting caffeine, and starting prenatals in September. I'm thankful that these were not huge transitions, and that I was already there...so to speak.
So no major morning sickness...not yet anyways! I guess I am just always going to be thinking the worst is coming. But don't worry. I am armed if it comes. I have Sour Patch Kids candy and Tums in my desk drawer, and a bottle of Mylanta by my nightstand.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Cupcakes and Door Smut
So here begins my new journey. I wanted to send this instead of a newsletter because first of all it means I'm not spamming your inbox with info everyday, and two, because that seems too much like a missionary.
Plus, I have always wanted to blog. Never knew quite what to write about. My mentor and good friend Linda ALWAYS encourages me to write, but I have too many excuses to start. So hopefully this helps motivate me to keep it up every day.
First blog update: I am 8 weeks. That's exciting. My little one is the size of a kidney bean. Next week he/ she will be the size of a grape. I'm very Baptist as you know. I grew up Baptist and I currently work at a Baptist church. Therefore my idea of the size of a kidney bean maybe larger than your version of a kidney bean. But it helps me imagine.
Two weeks ago we had our very first ultra sound where we heard the heartbeat. That is just AMAZING. It's amazing that we have technology that can do that; it's amazing that the technology is so that it can detect a heartbeat of something (or someone rather) so small; it's amazing that we could hear the heartbeat of something inside me. This is all truly miraculous.
I have not yet experienced morning sickness to a full degree yet. Nausea is there, but it is easily settled when I eat. Therefore I may end up being the size of a HOUSE when this whole thing is said and done. I don't mind having a reason to pig out all the time, but I want to be careful so as to eat healthy for the both of us...and because I don't want to be obese...ever! You see, I don't crave pickles (which my friend informed me are no points in Weight Watchers). I don't crave strange combination of food...just the thought of strange combos make me queasy. I crave CAKE! Everyday. All day. Hopefully my cravings will morph, but cake is the drug of choice.
So the other day, I was desperately looking throughout the building for any kind of cake; Little Debbie, Hostess, leftover coworker birthday, anything! At around 2 pm, I grabbed my purse and headed to Starbucks. I ordered a decaf latte to hide my true reason for being there. Cake. God bless starbucks! Their new dessert idea is petite one or two bite desserts. I ordered 2 and was happy that I didn't have to pull over into Kroger for a chocolate sheet cake. But at 4:30 the craving was not satisfied, so I actually ended up at Kroger after work and purchased strawberry cake mix and icing. I made cupcakes as soon as I got home, as I was making dinner of course. I only ate 2 that night. (Richard had 4...he likes my cravings right now.) I also brought some to work the next day, so I would not have to scour the building again. Yay cravings.
Another aspect of pregnancy I am noticing rise up is what people keep calling "nesting." Personally I think this is more of a hormonal "annoyance at everything", but "nesting" sounds more pleasant. I came home Wednesday afternoon, and I had 30 minutes to take Levi out and grab a bite to eat before heading back to work. But walking through the front door I noticed this black smut all over our teal door. Our "towndominium" is an end unit closest to the woods. I believe the smut is the trees spitting all over everything, not mold or something dangerous. I rolled my eyes at the fact that it had gotten so bad and walked in the door. Levi left me a "present"...inducing a slight gag as I gathered the stuff to cleaned it up. Then as if the vinegar water bottle illuminated in my hand, I jumped up and started all over the house, spraying in all the places that looked like stains. Then I grabbed another roll of paper towels and headed to the door. I scrubbed and scrubbed, still in my work clothes. I'm sure it was a sight. I spent 18 minutes of the 30 I had cleaning, and had pickle smelling hands for the rest of the night. But that was big. I accomplished something. I actually took the initiative to clean. Wow!
Pregnancy might be really good for me!
Christen
Plus, I have always wanted to blog. Never knew quite what to write about. My mentor and good friend Linda ALWAYS encourages me to write, but I have too many excuses to start. So hopefully this helps motivate me to keep it up every day.
First blog update: I am 8 weeks. That's exciting. My little one is the size of a kidney bean. Next week he/ she will be the size of a grape. I'm very Baptist as you know. I grew up Baptist and I currently work at a Baptist church. Therefore my idea of the size of a kidney bean maybe larger than your version of a kidney bean. But it helps me imagine.
Two weeks ago we had our very first ultra sound where we heard the heartbeat. That is just AMAZING. It's amazing that we have technology that can do that; it's amazing that the technology is so that it can detect a heartbeat of something (or someone rather) so small; it's amazing that we could hear the heartbeat of something inside me. This is all truly miraculous.
I have not yet experienced morning sickness to a full degree yet. Nausea is there, but it is easily settled when I eat. Therefore I may end up being the size of a HOUSE when this whole thing is said and done. I don't mind having a reason to pig out all the time, but I want to be careful so as to eat healthy for the both of us...and because I don't want to be obese...ever! You see, I don't crave pickles (which my friend informed me are no points in Weight Watchers). I don't crave strange combination of food...just the thought of strange combos make me queasy. I crave CAKE! Everyday. All day. Hopefully my cravings will morph, but cake is the drug of choice.
So the other day, I was desperately looking throughout the building for any kind of cake; Little Debbie, Hostess, leftover coworker birthday, anything! At around 2 pm, I grabbed my purse and headed to Starbucks. I ordered a decaf latte to hide my true reason for being there. Cake. God bless starbucks! Their new dessert idea is petite one or two bite desserts. I ordered 2 and was happy that I didn't have to pull over into Kroger for a chocolate sheet cake. But at 4:30 the craving was not satisfied, so I actually ended up at Kroger after work and purchased strawberry cake mix and icing. I made cupcakes as soon as I got home, as I was making dinner of course. I only ate 2 that night. (Richard had 4...he likes my cravings right now.) I also brought some to work the next day, so I would not have to scour the building again. Yay cravings.
Another aspect of pregnancy I am noticing rise up is what people keep calling "nesting." Personally I think this is more of a hormonal "annoyance at everything", but "nesting" sounds more pleasant. I came home Wednesday afternoon, and I had 30 minutes to take Levi out and grab a bite to eat before heading back to work. But walking through the front door I noticed this black smut all over our teal door. Our "towndominium" is an end unit closest to the woods. I believe the smut is the trees spitting all over everything, not mold or something dangerous. I rolled my eyes at the fact that it had gotten so bad and walked in the door. Levi left me a "present"...inducing a slight gag as I gathered the stuff to cleaned it up. Then as if the vinegar water bottle illuminated in my hand, I jumped up and started all over the house, spraying in all the places that looked like stains. Then I grabbed another roll of paper towels and headed to the door. I scrubbed and scrubbed, still in my work clothes. I'm sure it was a sight. I spent 18 minutes of the 30 I had cleaning, and had pickle smelling hands for the rest of the night. But that was big. I accomplished something. I actually took the initiative to clean. Wow!
Pregnancy might be really good for me!
Christen
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